A mythical United States Congressman from New York, Jerry “Loch Ness” Nadler, is going to reintroduce Barack Obama’s “mythical” Freedom of Choice Act “sooner rather than later,” according to his mythical spokesman Ilan “Sasquatch” Kayatsky. Senator “Bigfoot” Boxer is expected to follow suit–it’s a mythical “priority” for them, and for their new President.
Urban Legend expert Michael “Stokes Prometheus’ Fire” Paulsen explained how this mythical FOCA would be disastrous for the Land of Nod.
Several alleged critics were skeptical, however. Their existence could not be verified to obtain a comment, but it is rumored that Time Magazine’s ficticious “reporter” Amy “Narcissus” Sullivan has already begun Calliap-orating on an article, working with storybook “Catholics” from Commonweal “Magazine,” David “Phantom” Gibson, Eduardo “Bogeyman” Peñalver and Cathleen “Specter” Kaveny.
Their inspired tome is expected to muse upon how the Catholic Bishops should relocate to Roswell, New Mexico and stop wasting their time fighting imaginary ghouls like abortion. That way, “real-world” pro-life Catholics like themselves and Kathleen Sebelius can get down to the important business of defining their own concept of the universe and resolving the “mystery” of which human beings have a right to life.